Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Well I had treatment number 6 of 8 today. Yeah, I'm 75% done. I'm still looking at another surgery to get the lymph nodes and clean up some of the tissue but that's going to be a piece of cake after chemo. Yes, chemo is it's own special hell. I will be sinking into by Friday morning and it is not fun. I thought the AC regimen was tough, but Taxol is twice as bad.

One of the side effects of Taxol, is pain in the bones, joints and muscles. For me, it was excruciating. I could barely move. I started with Advil which didn't even make a dent. Thank God for Percocet. It gave me some relief but barely. I would watch the clock for when I could take it again. Dr. McCullough told me today to take the percocet, then after 2 hours, take the Advil. I could alternate every 2 hours and that might help ease the pain a little quicker.

The only place I was comfortable was in my bed. When you are sick, your bed is the place you want to be. The only thing is, our bedroom is on the second floor. We live in a small 6 room Cape Cod and the only bathroom is on the first floor. I try to keep lots of fluids in me and that means lots of trips to the bathroom. I was crawling back up the stairs. I tried to stay on the couch but it too uncomfortable. I think it made the pain worse. I'm prepared this time though. We bought a bed to set up in our back room. It's not my bed, but it is a bed. Its only about 20 feet from the bathroom, plus I have cable in this room.

The pain should start easing by Monday, but then the numbness comes. It's in my legs and arms. It also gradualy goes away but not completely. I still have some numbness in my fingers and the bottom of my feet. Not so bad now, but I had to use a cane for a few days. The one I have was my brothers. It has Harley Davidson symbols all over it. It makes me feel like a bit of a badasss.


I mentioned the surgery earlier. I don't exactly know when it will be yet, but it may keep me from going back to work at my target date of end of October/beginning of November. I would like to hold off for a few months. It's all going to depend on scan results after the chemo. There were some cancer cells in a few lymph nodes. I'm hoping the chemo has shrunk them or killed them completely. I have my fingers crossed on this one.

When you are sick or hurt, you want your mom. She's been gone 5 years now. I can't believe it has been that long. I still have Dad but he's going through his own health issues. I know it can't be easy on him. He's dealing with cancer, he lost 1 child to cancer, and now he has another fighting it also. A big burden for any parent. I think the stress of Butch's illness is what activated his. He had been in remission for so many years. People have always told me I look like my mom. I never saw it till now. Only thing is, when I look in the mirror, the image I see, is not the image of my mother, that I want to remember. It's her cancer face. I would much rather see her face the day I graduated from college, the day I got married, or any of the days her 3 grandchildren were born. Just not the cancer face.